A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
