I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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