this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
