Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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