he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
