remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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