i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
