Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
