i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
