You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There r osticjed everywhere
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
