i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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