Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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