I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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