oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
