it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
