my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
