What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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