She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
