Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
