Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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