Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
