I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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