Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize