i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
