You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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