i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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