she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
