Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
