Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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