After last night, I could never be a politician.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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