the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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