My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
