Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love you. Go after that dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
