I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
