Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
