Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
