If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
