Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
