so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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