u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
