Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
