I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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