Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
