we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
