i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
