sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
