reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
