What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
