that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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