i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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