No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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