Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
