physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
