haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
