woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
