I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
