u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
