this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
