you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
