If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
