brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
