grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
