just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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