In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
