Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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