So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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