just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
